Posts Tagged ‘Gay’

Sarah Blames the Gays: If Only She Had “Queer Eye”

October 23, 2008

I confess that Sarah may not have waved her magic wand and wished upon a Macy’s star that Carson and Queer Eye had been there to give her, Todd, and the brood a makeover. But I do wonder how much better she would have fared this election year if The Fab Five had been in charge of her makeover. Certainly passing her onto Jeff Larson, Republican consultant, and asking him to shoulder the burden of Sarah’s $150,000 makeover debt by carrying $132,457 on his ample credit card has raised both plucked and unplucked eyebrows at the McCain-Palin campaign.

Don’t you remember the good old days when Carson Kressley unblinkingly looked into the eyes of red-neck, sweatpants-wearing-dudes and schooled us in how we dressed to express the best about ourselves? Or when Kyan taught us that spray-on tans were preferable to and safer than tanning beds? Think of all the ways that Ted could have paired moose and wine? Thom was my favorite. Was there nothing he couldn’t slap a coat of paint on and drill press to make fabulous? I think that’s who Sarah was evoking when she asked the Republican National Convention to “Drill, Baby, Drill!” But Jai and Blair. I know they were adorable and I suppose no Fab Five would be complete without a culture vulture. But, please, what were they doing?

Anyway, we know that Carson always came in ON BUDGET and ON TIME to make over his weekly charges. And in the process we all felt better about ourselves. Clearly, Jeff Larson is not Carson. I fear that he is some frightened heterosexual male who took Sarah to stores and said, “Spend, Baby, Spend!” then sent his credit card bills to the Republican National Committee for reimbursement.

Or if he is gay, then Jeff Larson is a total bottom.

Sarah’s fashion as governor of Alaska.

Sarah’s fashion as candidate for vice-president.

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Finally: Sarah Palin Hates Gay Marriage

October 21, 2008

Sarah Palin wants to write a gay marriage ban into the US constitution. Wasn’t it just four years ago when gays and their quaint, old-fashioned desire to get married got thrown under the presidential election bus? Call me nostalgic, but I was waiting for the repeat in 2008. And, boy, did I have to wait. Sarah Palin pulled out this latest whammy just a couple of weeks before the election. She waited until the Log Cabin Republican gave her and her running-mate (John “That One” McCain) their endorsement. And after Sarah told us about her extremely diverse life that happened to include gay friends. Or was that one friend?

To be honest, I’m not sure if the Log Cabin Republicans made an endorsement this year or just breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, a Republican who doesn’t throw us under the bus! In 2004 they refused to issue an endorsement after Bush threw them and gay people in general to the wolves. After all, it was John McCain who once described a constitutional ban on gay marriage as “antithetical in every way to the core philosophy of Republicans.” That practically made John McCain a gay icon. Okay, a second-tier gay icon. But he was supposed to be cool. Heck, even Cher had trouble when Chastity came out. And the Log Cabin club has been so out there in opposition to Proposition 8: The effort to overturn the right to gay marriage in California.

Oops.

The folks at the Log Cabin Republican Club better ask their dry cleaners how to get tread marks out of khakis. And they need to stay in the crosswalk and look both ways before crossing the street: Those Mavericks are crazy bus drivers.

Read about it here.

Log Cabin Republicans are here.

Let Me Help You Out with the Gay Choice Issue, Sarah

October 1, 2008

Okay, we know that Sarah’s not particularly articulate. And she doesn’t always successfully stay on point when answering questions. So her response to Katie Couric about the “Pray Away the Gay” Conference her Wasilla Bible Church announced predictably went off kilter.

Couple of things, Sarah. Your church really did help to promote the conference. And those conferences are controversial. They’re kind of like when you accept the offer for the free trip in exchange for attending a seminar on time-shares. And once they get you into that room they won’t let you leave for a bathroom break and put a lot of pressure on you to buy the time-share or else they’ll stand there and watch you pee in your pants. Or even worse, it’s like your parents kidnap you and force you to go to the time-share lecture until you buy them that time-share and finally MAKE THEM PROUD OF YOU.

And, Sarah, you dodged a bullet when Katie didn’t ask you about your other church, the Wasilla Assembly of God Church. If you had difficulty talking about the Wasilla Bible Church, think about how much more difficult it would be to discuss the Wasilla Assembly of God and its frequent guest Pastor Thomas Muthee who encourages people in the name of Christianity to hunt down and burn people labeled as witches and who you claim prayed you into the governorship!

Whew! But I digress.

This is how Sarah responded to Katie’s question about the Wasilla Bible Church and their promotion of a conference to “pray away the gay”:

”When the media gets it wrong, it frustrates Americans who are just trying to get the facts and be able to make up their mind on about — uh, a person’s values…. And you know, I don’t know what prayers are worthy of being prayed. And I don’t know what prayers are gonna be answered or not answered. But as for homosexuality, I am not going to judge Americans and the decisions that they make in their adult personal relationships. I have, um — one of my absolute best friends for the last 30 years who happens to be gay, and I love her dearly. And she is not my gay friend, she is one of my best friends who happens to have made a choice that, um, isn’t a choice that I have made. But, I’m not gonna judge people.”

First the positive. This is a clearer answer than any thus far that you’ve given about Russia, Russian trade missions from Alaska, the newspapers she reads, how old Biden is, the Supreme Court, the economy, McCain’s record on regulation, and really anything related to Troopergate. So plenty of points for clarity, Sarah!

HOWEVER, content and meaning leave a bit to be desired.

First, of course if you play womens basketball in high school you will have a lesbian friend. You may not realize it at the time you’re playing together, but you’ll figure it out sooner or later that you have lesbian friends on the team. There are five in the starting line up alone so statistically it’s a near slam-dunk or just a tip-in  that one of them is gay. I’m glad you didn’t need to use up one of your lifelines on that question, Sarah. But couldn’t you have looked more comfortable and, well, happy for your friend when you were talking about her? I thought that you looked unhappy — maybe a little queasy — when talking about your friend’s sexual orientation. And that must be a real drag for her.

Second, the choice issue. I realize that you are fond of that word. You used it in describing Bristol’s decision to keep her baby. You don’t seem to use it, however, when you talk about Bristol and Levi getting married. Now that’s always confused me. But here’s the point, Sarah. When it comes to sexual orientation a lot of LGBT people (you know, GAYS) get offended or out-right scared when you talk about “choice”. Sure, you can choose to get married, have a wife, adopt kids, and then choose a seemingly quiet airport bathroom stall during business trips to meet like-minded people. And some people make better choices than others on bathroom stalls and manage to avoid undercover police. To each his own.

But for the most part, LGBT people get very afraid when they hear people talking about how being gay is a choice. It’s because “choice” is a term that ultra-conservatives love to throw around when arguing that being gay is not normal and is a morally culpable choice. And that with enough pressure, ridicule, and maybe a tiny bit of torture or brainwashing they can help you make the “good” choice rather than just being the fabulous person that you already are. Like the ‘choice’ Rev. Ted Haggard was able to make until he left his “heterosexual-maintenance” program. A “Pray Away the Gay Conference” has a snappy ring to it, but it’s kind of misleading. They use the phrase because it rhymes. It’s really more like “Go ahead and be cruel, it’s just a homosexual” conferences. It’s also known as the ex-gay movement. Not as snappy and rather negative sounding, but a more accurate description of the goals and objectives of those people who want to pray for you.

So, Sarah, while I realize that you carefully chose to speak personally and not from a position of an informed person or a person making policy, here’s the rub. You WANT to be vice-president of the United States. That means that you WANT to have a role in making policy. I know you’ve been asking for quite a while what exactly a vice-president does and apparently John McCain has been remiss in explaining this point to you. You are SUPPOSED to be an informed person contributing to the direction of the United States. And, therefore, people want to know what you think, why you think what you do, and whether or not they trust you when they turn their backs. Or, more specifically, will they trust you if John McCain — the 72-year old, four time survivor of melanoma — is no longer able to serve and you become president of this country.

So, Sarah, get empowered and educated and talk like a person who’s asking us to put you in a position of power and use judgment wisely. When you’re answering questions from reporters or debate moderators try to pretend like you’re speaking about policy positions that will greatly impact this country.  And, please, stop dredging up that crush that you had on your high school basketball teammate that you may or may not have acted on when people ask you anything about gay people. It’s so 1980s, Mariel Hemingway, and “Personal Best“. And while that movie was a ground-breaking and sensitive portrayal of lesbianism at the time,  we’ve come so far since then as a country. Discussing your unrequited high school love is better left for Oprah than Katie. And, Sarah, if you chose to be straight, then that’s a personal decision that is best not aired on national television.

But here’s the tough love part of my message. Sarah: If you’re a 44-year old woman who choses to be straight and you don’t have any gay male friends to mention when you’re doing a major television interview, then it looks like something’s wrong with you. And why would people then want you to be vice-president if something’s wrong with you? But don’t worry. Gay men are sweethearts! And right now there’s a movement to git ‘cha some gay friends!

I Told McCain, “Way to Hate the Gay”

September 17, 2008

I guess people don’t listen to me. Particularly when I don’t speak to them directly and just send my messages through the blogasphere. But to reiterate, I previously told John McCain that he needed to lighten up on the campaign rhetoric, particularly when he tries to call out people.

He might been able to parry with Liz. He could have gotten one over on Donna Summer (especially after her fall from Disco-Divadom). Madonna? Maybe. But he needs to learn the hard way that that you NEVER take on la Barbara.

Way to Hate the Gay, McCain.

September 17, 2008

With the race so close, Sarah Palin’s bounce losing altitude, and an embarrassing moment when John McCain tried to talk economics and ended up biting the Merrill Lynch hand that fed him, what was my boy John McCain thinking when he started bashing Barbra Streisand.

John: Get real. You and Cindy own 10 houses. Sarah owns a tanning bed. Todd hangs out at work with Sarah making people nervous. And on top of this you diss the gays?

I know the Log Cabin Republicans must be biting their nails. (A sad day for the manicurist!) It’s pretty embarrassing to support a ticket where the star of the slate (our girl Sarah Palin) has issues with happy gays. And now you diss la Barbra?

Here’s a suggestion, John. Put a note in your BlackBerry to remind yourself not to diss gay icons (Barbra, Judy, Cher, Tammy Faye, Bette (both of them), Liza). Better yet, don’t diss women who go only by one name: You never know when the gays will start worshiping them.

Thank goodness no one’s talking yet about how Barbra’s also Jewish. You know Sarah’s church has that other issue with the Jews. Praise Jesus that Barbra’s not a gay Jew!