Posts Tagged ‘Add new tag’

Sarah Blames the Gays: If Only She Had “Queer Eye”

October 23, 2008

I confess that Sarah may not have waved her magic wand and wished upon a Macy’s star that Carson and Queer Eye had been there to give her, Todd, and the brood a makeover. But I do wonder how much better she would have fared this election year if The Fab Five had been in charge of her makeover. Certainly passing her onto Jeff Larson, Republican consultant, and asking him to shoulder the burden of Sarah’s $150,000 makeover debt by carrying $132,457 on his ample credit card has raised both plucked and unplucked eyebrows at the McCain-Palin campaign.

Don’t you remember the good old days when Carson Kressley unblinkingly looked into the eyes of red-neck, sweatpants-wearing-dudes and schooled us in how we dressed to express the best about ourselves? Or when Kyan taught us that spray-on tans were preferable to and safer than tanning beds? Think of all the ways that Ted could have paired moose and wine? Thom was my favorite. Was there nothing he couldn’t slap a coat of paint on and drill press to make fabulous? I think that’s who Sarah was evoking when she asked the Republican National Convention to “Drill, Baby, Drill!” But Jai and Blair. I know they were adorable and I suppose no Fab Five would be complete without a culture vulture. But, please, what were they doing?

Anyway, we know that Carson always came in ON BUDGET and ON TIME to make over his weekly charges. And in the process we all felt better about ourselves. Clearly, Jeff Larson is not Carson. I fear that he is some frightened heterosexual male who took Sarah to stores and said, “Spend, Baby, Spend!” then sent his credit card bills to the Republican National Committee for reimbursement.

Or if he is gay, then Jeff Larson is a total bottom.

Sarah’s fashion as governor of Alaska.

Sarah’s fashion as candidate for vice-president.

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Sarah Louise Heath Palin was a Poor College Student

September 7, 2008

She didn’t have a lot of money. She also wasn’t dedicated to learning. But Sarah has a lot of assets and she knows how to use them. I like that in a woman. If you’re like me and can’t really see much further than the front of my nose, I’ll tell you what the shirt says:

“I may be broke but I’m not flat busted.”

Sarah flew off to Hawaii after high school telling her family she was headed to the University of Hawaii-Hilo. Now stop here: Just because no one can show she ever enrolled there can’t prove that she was lying to her parents about where she was headed after high school.  Sarah Palin’s church instilled within her the values of that institution! Maybe she just showed up and forgot to apply before hand — it happens to a lot of people. Sarah says she wasn’t happy after three weeks in Hilo and left for Honolulu where she enrolled in Hawaii Pacific College. I’m glad she went to college. But I’m not sure that her two oldest kids are headed to college.

I laughed when I read the initial liberal-press reports that Sarah’s first college of the six she attended was Hawaii Pacific College. I knew that the liberal press screwed up (again). Hawaii Pacific College is a university now but back then in 1982 they were the college with ads on TV that took anyone who showed up with a check and a diploma.  It makes absolutely no sense for anyone interested in education to let their 18-year old daughter from Alaska enroll there. Quitting the University of Hawaii-Hilo after three weeks shows that Sarah’s family wasn’t foolish enough to let her go to Hawaii to enroll at HPC. HPC was just the only college in the entire state of Hawaii that was kind enough to let Sarah walk up and enroll without checking anything about her grades or demanding any letters of recommendation. Sarah’s family paid; Sarah got in. Sarah was probably watching TV and saw their ads. I read how she liked to visit the set of Magnum P.I. when she was in school, so she probably watched a lot of TV ads.

Thank goodness Sarah got out of Hawaii after only a few months. She’s clearly not like Barack Obama who was born there and whose mother made him go to school there for years so he could be raised by his family. Remember this whenever John McCain laughingly reminds us that Barack Obama keeps finding reasons to go back to Hawaii to visit his family: Sarah didn’t bum around there for years like Obama did; she left as soon as she could!

And she moved onto bigger and better things. Who needs a tiki god to cast out demons when you have your own witch hunting pastor! Take that, Peter Brady!