Archive for the ‘Joe Biden’ Category

Top Ten Imaginary Friends Named Joe That John McCain Will Befriend to Help Him Win the Election

October 17, 2008
  1. Joe the Plumber. His Story: He says he can’t afford to buy his own plumbing business under Barack Obama’s tax plan.  But in the end it turns out he’s not really a plumber and he’s better off tax-wise under Obama than McCain. And he’s named “Sam”. Yet through it all he clings to his fantasy life.  (done)
  2. Joe the Red-Neck, Racist, Loyal Republican Voter. His Story: His name is spelled correctly at the registrar of voters office, so he gets to vote this November. He has half-siblings named Jovan the Voter, Jonetta the Voter, and Joji the Voter with whom he is not on speaking terms.
  3. Joe the Angry Hooligan in the Audience. His Story: Only John McCain is able to calm him as he screams “kill him” and “terrorist” at a startled, elderly woman with a “Yes We Can – Obama ’08” lapel button. This is caught on television as evidence of McCain’s kinder, gentler side.
  4. Joe the Flutist. His Story: His playing doesn’t rally flutists against him like Sarah Palin’s playing does. Instead of the Facebook Group “Flutists Against Sarah Palin” there’s a Facebook Group called “Flutists Named Joe Against Sarah Palin”.
  5. Joe the Woman in the Audience Frightened of Arabs. Her Story: She’s not only uncertain about the sanctity of our nation’s borders under Obama, but she’s not all that certain about her gender either. Neither candidate wants to answer her health care questions.
  6. Joe the Kegger. His Story: Able to consume beer more economically than his spendthrift, six-pack a day brother.
  7. Joe the Flame of Florida. His Story: He’s 50 years younger than the original “Marie the Flame of Florida” and much more flexible.
  8. Joe the General Contractor. His Story: One plumber isn’t enough to maintain McCain’s eight (or ten?) homes.
  9. Joe the Talk Show Host. His Story: He promises not to get mad at John McCain regardless of how many dates he breaks.
  10. Joe the Maverick. His Story: Lost out to James Garner for a movie and television career when the studio decided that “Brett” was a more honest sounding name than “Joe”.

And the losers?

  1. Joe Six-Pack Abs. His Story: He can’t be John McCain’s friend because that would take away from his time in the gym.
  2. Joe Cool. HIs Story: This fine specimen of a beagle keeps his distance from John’s pitbull, Sarah.
  3. Joe Camel. His Story: Cancer. We don’t need the voters thinking about cancer.
  4. Joe McCarthy. His Story: Too liberal for Sarah Palin’s taste.
  5. Joe Lieberman: His Story: Too undependable.
  6. Joe Frazier: His Story: After he lost to Ali, everyone started calling him “That One”.
  7. Joe Montana. His Story: Why emphasize that John McCain may lose the state?
  8. Joe Biden. His Story: Is he available?
  9. Joe Wurzelbacher. His Story: His name’s too hard to remember and we need a real plumber.
  10. Joe the Husband of Mary and Father of Jesus. His Story: Do I need to repeat myself? We need a PLUMBER! And his son was a community organizer, which is a questionable line of work.
  11. Joe the Heiress Wife. Her Story: She’s paying a tax rate of 26% on reported income of $4.2 million for 2007. That’s something that you don’t want to emphasize when you’re trying not to be elite.
  12. Joe the Thoughtful Evangelical Christian. Her Story: She’s voting for Obama.
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A Message from the Other Joe: Biden

October 16, 2008

This just in my inbox.

**********************************************

Anyone who tells you this election is already decided is dead wrong. Let’s not forget the 2000 election, when Al Gore was up by double digits in October.

The surest way to lose a race is to slow down with the finish line in sight.

We’re taking no chances. We’ve planned the biggest get out the vote operation in history, and we need to make sure that every voter has their voice heard.

That’s why we’ve set the goal of bringing in 100,000 new donors by Friday at midnight.

Your donation today will match that of a fellow supporter, encouraging them to step up and own a piece of this campaign.

Will you make a donation of $100 or more today and double your impact?

This campaign has fought for every inch, and now is not the time to take anything for granted.

To get out the vote, we need to knock on hundreds of thousands of doors and make even more phone calls.

This campaign has built the largest field operation in history, and we need to mobilize it in these remaining days to get every single voter to the polls on Election Day.

Because that’s what it comes down to — counting every last vote.

Make a matching donation today to make certain that when everything is on the line, we are stronger than ever:

http://www.barackobama.com

We’ve come too far to hold back now.

Thank you for everything you’re doing,

Joe

Keep Your Eye on the Duck, Dick!

October 3, 2008

Sarah learns how to pronounce “caricature”, too!

I can’t believe that Sarah Palin’s seriously considering running for vice-president. This is all she can say about Dick Cheney? No, this isn’t SNL and I don’t think Palin is trying to be funny. This is more of the Katie “boy she annoys me” Couric interview with Sarah Palin. But this has got to turn up on SNL this weekend.

Sarah Palin, Folksiness, and Class

October 3, 2008

The argument that Sarah Palin is a real person of working-class values versus a politician from another, wealthier planet pops up a lot. I personally have never gotten the impression that she’s a spunky ball of ole fashioned, small-town wisdom and wit that’s shedding light upon all of us. My reasoning goes like this:

  1. I live part-time in rural America. I have had the opportunity to meet many highly intelligent individuals who are “plain-spoken” if not downright “folksy” and working-class. Sarah Palin does not remotely resemble any of these people.
  2. I live part-time in a major American city of great diversity. I have had the opportunity to meet many college-educated, upper-middle class to wealthy individuals who lack sense and intelligence. Sarah Palin resembles these people.
  3. The amount of money you have doesn’t indicate your intelligence.
  4. Lying and spewing nonsense is very equal opportunity.

I think Joe Biden getting emotional on-stage when talking about what it feels like to lose a child was genuine and classy. It only highlighted how fraudulent the hype around Sarah Palin is. Or, to put it more kindly, how clearly McCain is using her as a gimmick. I’m she she’s a person capable of much good and love, but you wouldn’t know it from the Hollywoodesque narrative that the McCain campaign has spun around her. The latest gimmick the McCain campaign is using is that she “killed” during the vice-presidential debate. Now Republicans want to revel in slaughter? Even high school and college athletic programs have the sportsmanship to avoid language like that when speaking of opponents.

And what struck me during the debate was the look of contempt on Palin’s face when Gwen Ifill asked her and Biden to talk about their Achilles heels. Joe did it and he did it very clearly and with humility. But Palin refused to answer. She looks like she’s walking around with a perpetual chip on her shoulder pads. I got the same vibe from Palin when Katie Couric asked her in their interviews why she had gotten a passport only in the last year. Palin replied that she wasn’t from one of those “kinds of families” that send you off with a “passport and a backpack”.

Sarah Palin’s personality has an edge of thinly veiled hostility. It has neither classiness nor folksiness.

I Love Joe Biden

October 3, 2008

I didn’t know much about him before the debate, but now I love the guy.

This is what happens when you get Sarah Palin obsessed: You miss a truly good guy running for vp.