Top Ten Reasons Sarah Palin Needs to Play Her Flute On the Campaign Trail

  1. Her playing proves that she’s no better than anyone else.
  2. Music will soothe the savage beasts screaming “terrorist” and “kill him” from the audience.
  3. What better way to keep those smile muscles in shape!
  4. Tina Fey plays a mean “Hustle” on the flute and look at how popular she is.
  5. She’ll be looking for a new day job after November 4th.
  6. It’ll give all those flutists on Facebook’s “Flutists Against Sarah Palin” something to be jealous about, ya betcha!
  7. Because she’s a “flautist” and that’s not elitist.
  8. When she poses for pictures while holding a flute, the flute doesn’t hide her breasts.
  9. It helps to differentiate her from pitbulls in lipstick. Pitbulls attack notes less aggressively.
  10. Improvise here: Either “It keeps the witchcraft away.” Or take it up an octave: “Because her piccolo playing makes babies cry.”

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