Top Ten Ways McCain Will Distract Voters as We Near Election Day

  1. Arrange for aliens to abduct and artificially inseminate Sarah Palin.
  2. Have Pastor Muthee suspend his prayers and allow witchcraft to cast a sleeping spell over all undecided voters.
  3. Repeat the word “maverick” over 1,476 times during the remaining debates to incapacitate Obama supporters with alcohol poisoning during drinking games.
  4. Pay Track Palin $20 to let the air out of all the tires of the Army’s humvees thus ending the the war in Iraq.
  5. Knuckle-bump Sarah Palin while on the campagin trail.
  6. Have Cindy McCain adopt half of the registered voters in Pennsylvania, Ohio, Virginia, and Florida.
  7. Promote a Todd Palin / Kimbo Slice cage match.
  8. Send Sarah Palin to band camp until she learns how to play the flute in tune.
  9. Make a surprise announcement that he is suspending Barack Obama’s presidential campaign.
  10. Put on some heels, take off his gloves, and do a strip tease with his old “Flame of Florida”.
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