Biden-Palin Vice-Presidential Debate: Peggy Hill’s Top 10 Excuses for It To Be Canceled

It’s Five Days to St. Louis and the Vice-Presidential debate. There isn’t much time for our girl Sarah Palin to cram. And barring a moose eating her homework or contracting mononucleosis, it seems as though the debate will go on.

Or will it?

While Sarah Palin remains cloistered, Peggy Hill weighs in on why the debate must be canceled.

Reason 10: There’s only 83 days left before Christmas and Sarah hasn’t bought a thing.
PEGGY: “Hank, the day after Thanksgiving is, in my opinion, the biggest shopping day of the year. And I will not spend another year giving Dallas Mavericks crap because the Cowboys stuff was all sold out.”

Reason 9: A screw falls out of Sarah’s glasses and she can’t read her notes.
PEGGY: “My rose-colored glasses are off and the world looks flesh-colored and unappealing.”

Reason 8: Sarah develops an affair of the heart with Joe Biden and Todd won’t let her go to the debate unless he can stand next to her.
PEGGY: “As long as it took that river to carve the Grand Canyon, that is how long women have been learning to subtly manipulate relationships.”

Reason 7: Sarah’s family isn’t the kind to let her get on a plane with a passport and a backpack and go into a debate she can’t win.
PEGGY: “You be careful too, Hank. You’re going down there with a liver, two kidneys and no timeshare. I expect you to come back the same way.”

Reason 6: John McCain freaks out and sends Sarah to Capitol Hill to solve the Wall Street Crisis.
PEGGY: “If they had a sponge that cleaned up broken dreams, Woolworth’s would still be in business.”

Reason 5: Sarah needs to stay home and look up those numbers she promised to Katie Couric.
PEGGY: “Your mother is one of only sixteen people who have survived parachutes not opening. Now, sixteen is just my estimate. I’ll double-check my numbers later.”

Reason 4: It’s a snow day.
PEGGY: “Okay, I have been through this before in Montana. Nobody lick any flagpoles.”

Reason 3: The witchcraft is getting stronger and Sarah needs a booster blessing from Pastor Muthee before she can debate.
PEGGY: “I am just as much to blame for your condition as the media and the devil.”

Reason 2: Sarah reverses course and agrees to cooperate with the Alaska legislature’s Troopergate investigation and must fly to Alaska at once to answer a subpoena.
PEGGY: “You hear the expression ‘lie like a dog’ often enough that it is almost a cliche. But more often than not, if someone is lying to you, they are a person. We all know someone who is lying to her husband. Every day we look the other way, we add a lie to a lie. Well, this reporter is not going to lie any more. And you can print that.”

Reason 1: Excessive time in the tanning bed.
PEGGY: “Sunburn, too much of a good thing.”

Do you have any other guesses?


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