Tell the National Enquirer that Sarah Palin is Just a Regular Mom Who Had an Affair

First, “Me bad.” I bought the National Enquirer. Not just today, September 12th, but yesterday, too. Word of advice: Buy the edition marked “September 22, 2008”. The previous edition (September 15, 2008) had barely anything in it. I have no idea why they have this wacky numbering system for their issues. Everything is very post-dated.

The September 22nd edition talks about Track’s addiction to OxyContin, Bristol not really wanting to get married but being bulldozed into it, Track being involved in but not getting busted for being part of a prank that shut down 31 of the 36 schools in the district, Levi Johnston being dragged out of the house to show up at the Republican National Convention, and Sarah Palin using her family as a happy family prop at political events when in reality all hell is breaking loose.

Wow, harsh words!

But I think Sarah’s gotten the message. She’s giving the kids a break from the limelight. She’s taking a break from the press and really limiting all her access to the media. It’s a big change from when Sarah Palin took her kids on all those trips with her as part of State of Alaska business.

And, finally, about the alleged affair. Now I know better than to reprint anything without permission. There are copyright laws in the United States that must be respected.

But I can comment about the article!

First, Sarah Palin isn’t that different from most American mothers. Probably up to a third have had affairs. What is unusual is that her husband has a job that takes him to the North Slope (about as far away as Missouri is from Minnesota) and she has five children. But like most moms she works, has a lot on her hands, and thinks guys are cute. A lot of American mothers have affairs. I don’t understand why the McCain people keep denying that it happened to her or else could happen to her at some point later in the future. It’s so unrealistic to deny it. Why the embarrassment? I say show just how much like average American moms Sarah is and talk about how she gets lonely, stressed, and falls for cute guys! Heck, she fell hard for Todd when they resumed their high school relationship when she was in college. And 8 months later Track was born. That another common American a story.

I say tell McCain to stop lying about Sarah Palin never falling for some hot former business associate of her husband. Does he really think she couldn’t have an affair? Why doesn’t someone tell him that’s such a sexist mindset! And after so many denials doesn’t he realize that words start ringing false?

McCain has affairs, Bush has affairs, and I think we ALL know that Bill Clinton has affairs. I suspect that Barack Obama probably hasn’t had extramarital affairs. But let’s get real: If you were married to Michelle Obama would you have an extramarital affair? (No slight intended to Laura and Cindy. I’m just momentarily channeling my Id.)

And if Sarah were just seen as a regular American mom, the National Enquirer would probably lose interest and instead spend more column space on truly important topics like the American Academy of Otolaryngology’s new guidelines on removal of earwax. (Barely 6-column inches.) And then maybe if we saw Sarah Palin as an unexceptional, hardworking American mom plucked out of relative obscurity to take on a job way over her head we wouldn’t vote for her for vice-president.

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